You Lost Me

If the church has become a clearinghouse for programs and events, the question becomes, “What are we to do about it?” Many of you have asked, “So what do you propose?” Fair question. If I’m going to level a critique of the church and its pastoral practices, then I’d better be prepared to put some skin in the game.

It was probably no small coincidence that in preparing for my trip last week I threw David Kinnaman’s new book in my bag. Kinnaman is the president of the Barna Group, (as most of you well know) a research organization focused on the intersection of faith and culture. He also co-authored the 2007 best-seller unChristian, a somber and intriguing examination of how “outsiders” view Christianity, a YL staple and a must-read for anyone interested in reaching the unreached.[1]

Kinnaman’s latest book explores the other side of the coin: What do “insiders” think about Christianity, those that were brought up in the Christian faith, those who, in increasing numbers, are leaving the church today?  The title borrows from the sentiments of hundreds of thousands of Christians surveyed:

You Lost Me.

·      59% of young adults raised Christian have completely “dropped out” of the church.[2]

·      There’s a 43% drop in church engagement between the teen and young adult years.[3]

·      While teenagers are some of the most religiously active Americans, twentysomethings are the least religiously active.[4]

Why? Well, that’s the million-dollar question. There’s not a single answer or even a set of nice-n-neat bullet points on the matter. As Barna researchers regularly reiterated, “every story matters,” and every story is different.

But there are some themes and they’re worth our reflection. Why are Christians leaving the church? Here’s a start:

•        Easy platitudes, proof texting and formulaic slogans (the church is shallow)
•        Defensive attitudes toward culture, innovation and “the other” (the church is entrenched, naval-gazing and fixated on differences)
•        Faith in a silo, disconnected from the world around us and God’s personal call within us (the church is anti-science and dis-integrated from my vocation)
•        No room for doubt and questions (the church is not a nurturing environment for the long journey through life’s deepest questions)

Christian young people feel stifled, ignored, dumbed-down, disintegrated and mass-produced. They’re caught in a mechanistic and over-programmed paradigm that treats them like a number and misses their story altogether. We’ve got a massive, well-documented dropout problem here and the church is struggling to respond.

So What’s the Answer?

The thing that’s interesting about the diagnosis (feel free to examine Barna’s research yourself if you like) is that the prescription is the same. I’m not one for simplistic answers but the “simplicity on the far side of complexity” is remarkably constant. The answer to the problem is RELATIONSHIP.

The relational element is so strong because relationship is central to disciple-making – and, as we’ve said, the dropout problem is, at its core, a disciple-making problem. . . God-centered relationships create faithful, mature disciples.[5]

For every symptom of the dropout problem, there is a relational antidote:

• Our overprotective and exclusive tendencies must be mediated by relational engagement and participative discernment of “the other” in a diverse and ever-changing world.
• Our shallow and simplistic slogans must be grounded in authentic encounters with Jesus Christ and transformative religious experience of the faithful community.
• Our formulas must give way to the faithful pursuit of questions sought together with wise and caring adults.
• Our mass-produced, one-size-fits-all approach must be remedied by personalized, attentive apprenticeship in the fine art of following Jesus.

“Disciples cannot be mass-produced.

Disciples are hand-made, one relationship at a time.”[6]

I will continue to unpack the pastoral implications of a fully relational and incarnational model of discipleship in future posts but I think Kinnaman is onto something. If there’s one thing that I’m convinced of about the future of the church it is the centrality of dedicated, intentional relationships between young Christians and their elders. It is spending time, and big chunks of it, with the next generation, passing down the faith like Jesus did, one relationship and one story at a time.

“The church’s ministers must be merciful, take responsibility for the people and accompany them like the good Samaritan, who washes, cleans

and raises up his neighbor. This is pure Gospel.”

~ Pope Francis

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[1] See David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons, unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity . . . And Why It Matters (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2007). Their findings? Outsiders most readily viewed Christians as hypocritical, sheltered, antihomosexual, judgmental, too political and fixated on personal salvation.

[2] David Kinnaman, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church. . . And Rethinking Faith (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 23.

[3] Ibid, 22.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid, 206.

[6] Ibid, 13.