It has been said that “anxiety is nothing but repeatedly
re-experiencing failure in advance.”
Read that one a couple times and let it sink in. Anxiety. Worry. It is as commonplace as
breathing and we live with it as unconsciously as our lungs exchange carbon
dioxide for oxygen. It is so common as to occupy our thoughts, our
ambitions, our attractions, our aversions, and we may be little aware of its
presence in our lives much less its effects.
I was in my thirties before it dawned on me that I had a profound fear
of failure. Who knows why, I had never really experienced any significant
failures. But there it was nonetheless. Of course this fear was
cloaked by a series of successes that gave the illusion that my life was a
gracefully unfolding narrative of ease, certainty, and inner freedom. I
had worked hard, studied hard, stayed focused, got lucky a few times, and was
livin' the dream. Or was I?
Beneath that thin veneer, I'd have to admit that that manifest destiny
of success was only a mirage. Under the surface I was just as uncertain
and anxious as the next guy. Driven less by inner freedom than a fear of
failing, I continued on through life, doing the right things, collecting
imaginary trophies along the way, wondering why each new achievement couldn't
sustain my ego beyond the world's applause.
And I suppose it has always been that way, even in Jesus’ time.
Jesus looked lovingly at Martha's busy preparations and said,
"Martha, Martha you are worried and anxious about many things"(Lk
10:42). Makes me wonder if Martha too had such a complex. What failure
was she constantly repeating in advance that made her so anxious? Under
the surface of so much productivity, what drove this perpetual motion, this
unrelenting busyness?
Without discarding the value of hard work, Jesus kindly reminds us,
"Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from
her"(Lk 10:42). That "good portion," I believe, is the peace that "transcends understanding"(Ph 4:7), a peace that the world cannot give (Jn 14:27), a peace that is not to be attained through achievement but received by the meek as
pure gift (Ps 37:11).
Take a moment to examine your own heart. What is weighing on you? What worries are you unable to
shake? What are you anxious about? We really have
nothing to fear. God has won the
victory. So throw your anxieties
to the wind, and repeatedly re-experience the glory of Christ that is the same
yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
“Do not worry about anything . . .”
Philippians 4:6
