Do You Love Me?

When I was a teenager I once told my girlfriend (of two weeks) that I loved her “more than life itself.” I think I heard that in a movie somewhere. Of course what I had mistaken for “feelings” was only a sudden spike of adolescent testosterone and my vacuous proclamation deflated as quickly as the relationship. I did not love her. I had no idea what love really was at thirteen. But nearly three decades later, do I have any better an idea of what love really is?

Peter, that “rock” upon which Jesus would build His church (Mt 16:18), evidently had a hard time grasping the concept himself. This is the Peter who stood indignant at even the thought of Jesus’ suffering (Mt 16:22) yet was willing to betray Him in the final hour. The Peter who rightly exclaimed, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God” (Mt 16:16) also denied even knowing Jesus before a whole courtyard of men. The same Peter who declared, “Even if I have to die for you, I will never disown you” (Mt 26:35) also could not keep watch and pray with Jesus for even one hour (Mt 26:40).

Perhaps this could explain why Jesus made a point to ask Peter “Do you love me?” no less than three times at the end of John’s gospel. Each time Peter replied and declared his love for the Savior, Jesus told him to go out and do something. “Do you really love me?” Jesus might be paraphrased, “Then go out and share the Good News, make disciples, love your neighbor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, care for orphans, forgive your enemies, tame your tongue, pray, fast (and do both in secret), pay your taxes, rejoice when you are persecuted, and wash one another’s feet.” James puts it this way, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says” (Js 1:22).

I’m left to wonder how many of us love with our hearts but not with our hands. Sometimes I wonder how much my loving feelings for God actually translate into loving actions for others. Today I hear the words of Jesus spoken not to some distant figure from an ancient book, but to me, right here, right now. “Do you love me?” And again (in case I was glossing). And again, as to make it abundantly clear that the question actually demands a response. Do I really love Jesus? Our response decides everything.

Nothing is more practical than finding God,

than falling in Love in a quite absolute and final way.

What you are in love with,

what seizes your imagination,

will affect everything.

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning,

what you do with your evenings,

how you spend your weekends,

what you read, whom you know,

what breaks your heart,

and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in Love,

stay in love,

and it will decide everything.[1]

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[1]           A reflection from Jesuit father Pedro Arrupe, former Superior General of the Society of Jesus; Finding God in All Things: A Marquette Prayer Book (Milwaukee, WI: Marquette University Press, 2005).